When I was in college I wanted a major in law and a minor in philosophy — so I could stand up and say, “Your honor, not only is my client innocent, I can prove he doesn't exist.”
One-Liners That Land
The one-liner is comedy with the fat cut off — a single sentence that walks you confidently in one direction and turns at the last word. Nothing to memorize but the whole joke. These are the classics of the form, clean and ready to deploy.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
I was going to tell you a time-travel joke, but you didn't like it.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
I have a stepladder now. My real ladder left when I was a kid.
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
I asked the librarian if the library had books about paranoia. She whispered, “They're right behind you.”
You can't run through a campground. You can only ran — because it's past tents.
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I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Whiteboards are remarkable.
My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him, but he's sticking to his story.
I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
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