A man asked a lawyer what his fee was. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” said the lawyer. “Isn't that awfully steep?” “Yes. Now, what's your third question?”
Lawyer Jokes (Sustained by the Court)
No profession has better jokes told about it — mostly by lawyers themselves, who bill you for the retelling. These are the classics of the genre: affectionate, clean, and admissible in any conversation.
A doctor at a party complained to a lawyer, “People keep asking me for free medical advice. What do you do about that?” The lawyer said, “Simple — answer them, then send a bill.” The doctor thanked him. The next morning, the doctor received a bill from the lawyer.
A lawyer is someone who writes a ten-thousand-word document and calls it a brief.
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
How does a lawyer sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Talk is cheap — until you hire a lawyer.
My lawyer told me I had a strong case. Then he saw my bank statement and told me justice takes time.
The judge asked, “Do you have anything to offer this court before I pass sentence?” The defendant said, “No, your honor — my lawyer took every penny.”
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Why don't sharks bite lawyers? Professional courtesy.
A lawyer's creed: a man is innocent until proven broke.
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